Posted on: November 21, 2012

Sorry, L O N G one today…

I have been holding onto some e-mails lately that are so obviously FAKE it is a wonder ANYone falls for these scams. Now, mind you, the e-mails themselves are not fake, they have DEFINITELY come from somewhere. It’s the content that gives me the giggles.

(I have left all letters intact as they arrived; mistakes and all, EXCEPT where noted.)

It doesn’t matter WHOM the president of Nigeria is, I am certain of one thing, HE did NOT authorise this letter.

(I HAVE just in case they managed to accidently-on-purpose matched ID’s with Mr. Couch, I have ‘messed’ with the info they placed there so Mr. Couch will not need worry I am forwarding his information.) I HAVE left the criminal’s info intact, should you wish to contact them and start your own claim…PLEASE DON’T BE STOOOPID… (But, if you know whom to contact and alert, be my welcome guest!) 


This is to bring to your notice that the President of Republic of Nigeria,President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has constituted a 14 man investigative Panel and foreign Debts reconciliation committee, which I am the Chairman of the presidential committee saddled with the responsibility to investigate all the banks here in Nigeria, who have trapped and held beneficiaries Compensation/inheritance/NNPC contract Fund claims unpaid.

However, the President has vowed that his government is poised to eradicate corruption and fraudulent practices here in Nigeria to zero level which portrays the ugly reputations of this countrys image to the international community.

I am the newly Appointed by the CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA and the Chairman of the presidential 14 man investigative Panel and foreign Debts reconciliation committee. We apologized for the delay of your payment and all the inconveniences it might have caused you. Please take note,according to the information that I am getting since I was appointed concerning delay of foreign COMPENSATION/INHERITANCE, NNPC CONTRACTS AND WINNINGS FUND PAYMENTS because of this matter, I will devote our 100% assiduity in accrediting your fund Payments as long as I can guarantee your co-operation on this matter and send me your information as I mentioned below as there is a counter claim on your fund payment.

Please confirm urgently for immediate transfer into this account as the account owner send this account on your behalf to this Bank and we received the account on your behalf in the United States from a man declared himself as a doctor that is taking care of you in the hospital stating that you are in a sick bed and He pleaded us to transfer your funds payment of the sum

$5,500,000.00 (Five Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars
Only) into this bank account below as your representative/nominee:

Account Name: Gerald M. Couch

Bank Name: Bank of America (Hillsboro, IL branch) Swift code: FAKEUS3N Main routing number: FAKE FAKE 3 Branch routing number: FAKE04888 Account number is FAKE 7303 FAKE Bank address: 420 South Main Street in Hillsboro, IL 62049

Please your confirmation is needed before we make this transfer into this account and also forward this information to us immediately for the re-validation of your fund payment accordingly.

  1. Full Names
  2. Telephone/Fax Number….
  3. Contact Address……
  4. Age….
  5. Occupation…
  6. Sex…..
  7. Your Valid ID………

Thanks for your urgent response to this effect with the required information stated above. 

Yours faithfully,
Mr. K. Assiwah-Cyril

Please call me as soon as you receive this email: +2348025595055.
email me

Then I have Peter Maloney… hmmm…? my baloney (bologna) has a first name…
Who is SURE I am interested in hearing of the demise of Mr. Walker.



My name is Peter Maloney, I am the personal lawyer of Mr. Neal Walker, an American businessman who lost his life in a plane crash on October 31, 1999. He deposited $30 Million with a bank here in the UK which nobody has claimed since. All attempts to locate any of his relatives have been unsuccessful. I and an insider with the bank have decided to look for a reliable person who is ready and willing to help claim this fund, hence this e-mail.

The plan now is for you to stand in as his relation to get this funds released to you, because the bank has just given a deadline after which the money will be declared dormant in accordance with the bank’s policy.

In return for your help, you will receive thirty percent(30%) of the total sum.

Write me back if you’re ready to work with us on this project.

Best Regards,
Peter Maloney.

A multi-millionaire who lost his life in 1999 and they can find NO ONE who wants to claim the 30-million he deposited in the UK? If I HELP him, (a bank insider and Mr. Walker’s PERSONAL & TRUSTED LAWYER???) run his SCAM I’ll get 30%…WOOHOO! That’s a lot of money! He is looking for a RELIABLE (criminal) person… and wants ME to play the (illegal) part of ‘long-lost-relative’…? I suppose looking amongst his close friends would have turned up less than reliable persons? Gotta wonder where he practises law. (Or, maybe, that’s the problem; he only PRACTISES…)(Excuse me while I giggle maniacally…) I have decided that in the interests of my side, (which aches from laughter), NOT to write him back; I am not interested in this collaborative project. (However, sign me up for the World Wide Exclusive first-run all languages movie/book rights! Heck, include the Inner and Outer Galaxy rights too! LOL) 

Then I have Mrs. Lerien Namani from Cyprus. I feel badly that her husband has passed, leaving her no children. It really annoys me though, when people use God’s word to LURE the unsuspecting into a trap. 

Proverbs 16:27

A scoundrel plots evil,
and on their lips it is like a scorching fire.



Dearest in the Lord, 


I am Mrs Lerien Namani from Cyprus . I am married to Mr Marthins Namani who worked with Cyprus embassy in cote Ivoire for nine years before he died in the year 2004.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. 

Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of (4.Million U.S. Dollars) in a fixed suspense account with one of the Bank here in Cote Ivoire presently, this money is still with the Bank so I want you to take quick step to this transfer process with the bank to transfer the money to you because, recently, my Doctor told methat I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Throughwhat disturbs me most is my stroke i Having known my condition I decided todonate this fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. 

I want a church that will use this to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that give the. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. 

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health because of the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank here in Ivory Cote Ivoire Abidjan . 

Hoping to hearing from you 

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord. 

Yours in Christ.
Mrs Lerien Namani 

I know I received this particular ‘invitation’ because I receive our church’s e-mails as the bulletin editor, therefore this ‘letter’ was not addressed to me personally, but to our congregation as a whole. God warns us to be wary and watch for inconsistencies. Even Satan quoted the Bible when it suited his purpose.

Matthew 4:1-10

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”

Mrs Lerien Namani shall need to seek other players for her game, and the contact of the Bank there in Ivory Cote Ivoire Abidjan will have to wait a little longer to distribute those funds.

The last, for today…*grin*, is a notice to the ‘Online Operator’ of an ‘ACH’ (?????) (account?) has been temporarily disabled. Just click the OBVIOUSLY REAL link and it will take you to…? Good question. (I have disabled the link by altering the address.) But what I REALLY love about this ‘warning’? The salutation: “Best regards, Security Department”.
Not only DON’T they know WHO the account is held by, they don’t have a simple contact to, well, contact. I still have no idea what or who ACH is 


Dear Online Account Operator,
Your ACH transactions have been
temporarily disabled.
View details <ps://camp-amen-to-hiawatha.calm/page4.htm> 

Best regards,
Security department

Gotta love PHISHERS of men… (Somehow, I truly DOUBT this is what GOD had in mind when He called…) 

MATTHEW 4:18-22

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.

Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

Understand, I am passing this on as a service/warning/edification purposes; for those who find these types of e-mails in their inbox and feel:

  • the need to help these ‘poor’ individuals – Proverbs 16: 33 – The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.
  • the need to respond, informing these ‘poor individuals’ they have reached the wrong person – 1 Cor. 12:4-11 – There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,and to still another the interpretation of tongues.All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. (IE: leave it to the professionals.)
  • the greed that, maybe, just maybe, it’s real. (IT AIN’T AND AIN’T NEVER GONNA BE) Proverbs 16:19 – Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed; than to share plunder with the proud.
  • the fear that someone HAS gotten hold of their financial details and without thinking, rush forward clicking links and filling in information until, yup, now the criminal DOES have your banking information… JOB 3:25 – What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.

Sorry to lump people together in a tidy box, (cause we all know were unique, just like everybody else…) but it is the elderly; the lonely; the bullied; the lost, who fall prey to these scams. WE need to watch out for them, be that angel-on-the-shoulder keeping our friends and family and greater community from falling for these plots to relieve them of what God has given them.

Please Father God, watch over the waywardness of the great tool called the internet. Help to protect Your children and guide us away from evil. Remind us to pray before clicking on links that are suspicious without making us fearful and doubtful of everything. (Proverbs 3:6 – in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.) Keep us free from the sticky threads in the web and lead us to the narrow path safely. Remind us to check in on friends and family we haven’t heard from in a while, and to make time to stop by the widow’s on the corner to see if she needs anything while were out. Or if we can just bother her for a cup of tea, a biscuit and a chance to put our feet up and find out how her great-great grandchildren are. Let us be bold and speak out against evil, that we and others may learn to recognise it and run from it. Blessed be the name of The Lord! I ask in Jesus name. Amen.

luv khrys


PS: I AM working hard at finishing NANOWRIMO… the ending is elusive even though it is almost finished… I fear I may be tossing the last five-thousand words and re-vamping them… pray I get it “write”…*hugs*…Thanks!


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