And then, you doubt…
Posted October 30, 2012on:
I wrote this shortly after viewing the house and getting all excited about a week ago, and then a sense of foreboding settled. I couldn’t even pray over the house. I was confused to say the least! I was going to post this, but, as we all know, God’s timing can’t be beat!
‘“If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Did I not say doubt was the downfall?? It really is.
You become convinced of a solution/direction/purpose and it seems as if everything is geared toward the ONE idea that continually rolls in your brain.
You pray, (Well, ok, I pray… you should try it, it ain’t hard, it’s kinda like talking to yourself only there’s ACTUALLY someone listenin’!), and hope you’ve filtered out all of the commercials and static. You become convinced even further that the idea rattling in your brain is not only the correct one, but the obviously correct one. (And why couldn’t I see that before?)
You shun all other distractions and focus on fulfilling the ‘goal’.
A void that, at first you don’t notice. You’re absorbed in doing. A blank space that continues to grow. Sort of like a sin that starts a simple thought and before we know it its grown and bubbled, rising until it no longer resembles the tiny wayward thought; now it has taken over and a thick, tar-like blackness drops on our mind. That kind of void.
“A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”
He told them still another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough.”
You wake without the same enthusiasm. Something isn’t right. Even your prayers don’t offer the same comfort. The same assurance.
Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”
A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
Did I miss something? Why does it seem as if I’m on my own? Standing alone. I listen and hear whispers. I see nods, and frowns of disapproval. I wonder. I question. I doubt.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Right now, (actually in a couple of hours) we’re about to put an offer on the house. We know what we can afford. We think. I know the Lord knows for sure. We’d like not to insult the current owners, who built the house and have lived in it for more than 30-years. But we do have a budget we need to be respectful of; no matter how much we want the house. We do not want to be ‘house-poor’. But it’s not THEIR responsibility. They, of course, want or need to get as much from the sale as possible.
I pray for a middle ground. I pray for a smooth and easy negotiation. I’m willing to walk away if at any point I feel God is removing this property from our grasp. I pray we will be moving in a few months time. To this home. But, I don’t know what God has in store. He has SO much bigger selection than I can (or ever could) imagine!
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
So I am confused. Concerned. Worried. Why? Because I’m getting thoughts that I don’t like and feel ‘under attack’ not thoughts that ‘should’ be there, but ones that want to maybe prevent me from feeling ‘at peace’ with my decisions. God will, as always, triumph.
I’m not saying doubt is altogether bad. If we let it creep and crawl over every choice, over every thought, over every move, we’ll find the Devil winning.
Pray. Question. Confirm with scripture; (ALWAYS CONFIRM WITH SCRIPTURE!) And trust that you may be the only bright light in the room. You may have to stand alone. Everyone thought Noah, Genesis 6-8, was a nut.
Today, (after many cancellations on the part of the realtor) we will write the offer. Today I re-read this article. I was able to, easily locate the references I sought. Praise God. I feel better. Less apprehensive. I’m able to apply prayer with anticipation again. I still don’t know what’s in store, I will let you know.
PS: Pray for God’s vision to open and reveal itself so we may understand our position and options and follow God’s will. And if ya wouldn’t mind nudging Him to let us successfully negotiate and conclude the sales, that would be okay by me too… *hugs*
- I’m afraid… (khrystleraineduste.wordpress.com)
- Turning Worry into Trust (markconner.typepad.com)
- The BORN-IDENTITY (yourjesusmind.com)
- Do You Believe? – A Devotion (lthomason.wordpress.com)
- Jesus and Storms (ministerthelmacunningham.wordpress.com)
- discipleship: dependence through prayer (shepherds-journey.com)
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